The Book

The Book – part I



It was Sunday and I was busy rearranging my dad’s shelves. It’s a routine in our home to carry out cleaning and other house related activities in the morning before we settle for a hot, mouth-watering lunch from my mom in the afternoon. There was one book in the third shelf, which stood out from the usual spiritual/religious books that take up 99% of my dad’s collection. It was a fairly thick big with a red binding. There were just the words “Bugs and fixes”. I enquired my mom about the book and she replied that this must be one of my computer related books. I had a glance through the pages and found out that it was a work of fiction. It looked more like a novel than anything else. Strangely there was no mention of the author or publishers. I kept it aside to be read at a later. I soon forgot about it as I continued to rearrange the shelf.

After the tedious work, I had a fresh bath and sumptuous meal. As I came back to my room after the lunch my eyes fell on that red book. I wanted to have a look into it but was too sleepy to start reading. When I got up from my nap, I realized I was getting late for the movie, which I had planned to go with my friends. After a memorable evening with friends I came back home late at night. My eyes fell on the book again as I was getting into my nightdress. I decided to catch up some sleep, as I was not in a mood to start reading a novel. Unlike other books, novels require a lot of attention in the beginning so that we can grasp the characters, situation and feel of the story and continue with the other chapters.

The next day I got up later than usual. I remembered that I had a training session to attend, which meant I had to go to the office fairly earlier than usual. I hurriedly got ready for the office. I looked at the book as I was wearing my belt. My mind was itching to know more about the book. I decided to read a page or two to get the feel of the story.
I randomly chose a page in the middle and started reading.
********************
“Good bye!” she wished the colleagues in her cubicle and started walking towards the entrance with her friend. I was wondering whether she realized that I am standing up and waiting to be wished good-bye as she left. She was busy talking and laughing and didn’t seem to notice me at all. Is she not able to see me or is she just ignoring me?? I felt it was more of the latter!! A streak of pain hit like a micro lightning into my heart. I couldn’t figure how she could remain so insensitive to my feelings. I felt like calling out to her and wish her good bye , but I was afraid to. What if I call and she does not turn back?? What’s the worth if I have to make her look at me?? Shouldn’t she feel it within herself?
She was fast approaching the exit. All the while she wasn’t even attempting to look at me. I was just watching her get closer to the entrance with my head rested on my palm, which was planted on the sidewalls of the cubicle.
Just when she was about to leave the room and was about to leave my line of sight, She looked back. Was she looking at me or was it just a cursory glance at the room as she was leaving? It seemed as if she wanted to see whether I was watching her. I smiled and drew an imaginary circle with my fingers without lifting my head, signaling a friendly bye. She seemed to have noticed it and her smile grew bigger, or so I thought. That was the last thing I could see before the momentum took her past the entrance and away from my sight. I heaved a sigh and sat down. I couldn’t concentrate on my work for a while.
********************
The chapter had ended. There were mixed emotions in my heart. Firstly there was a deep pain, which had brought a tear in my eye. Secondly I was in great shock.
This was an exact depiction of what had happened in my life. I turned a few pages and started reading again. After a few seconds I closed the book with the urgency of a firefighter.
My God!!!! I can’t read this chapter. This is the chapter I want to forget.

What is this book??? Who wrote this??? How come it’s like my personal diary?? How could someone know the deepest secrets of my life and write the way exactly I had felt.
I got curious and wanted to open up the last page of the book. Just then I heard footsteps.
It was my mom.
“What are you doing? Aren’t you getting late for office? I remember you were saying that you have to go early today!!! Breakfast is ready”

“Yes ma!!!!”
I kept the book on the table and went to the dining table.

I was bewildered.
I was confused.
I couldn’t think.

Will somebody believe me if I told them about this book??
I looked at my mom. I shook my head. I can’t tell her, she will definitely be confused and worried.
Soon I got on my bike and started to my office and all the way I was thinking about the book. How the hell could someone know all this?? How can somebody know what I felt and write it as a book!!!!
Am I dreaming!!????

After reaching office I forgot as to which hall the training was in!!! I was 1-2 minutes late for the session, as I had to gather that information. I felt real sorry for being late and sneaked in without looking at the instructor.

After a few minutes into the session I asked some dumb question at the instructor. I persisted even after being given an initial explanation for my “doubt”. This should do the trick. Now I can be sure of not being bothered for the rest of the session.
My mind briefly wandered over the memories of the incident about which I read from the book that morning. I decided not to dwell upon it. But I couldn’t get any logical explanation about the book itself.

In the evening I was in the office canteen with my friend Selvi whom I call as “Shelley”. That’s because she writes wonderful poems. I know Shelley is a man but Selvi doesn’t look much like a girl anyway!!!
“Trust me madam!! It was …. Like…its Unbelievable”, I took a sip of hot chocolate.

Shelley was busy munching sweet corn.
“azre yhzhaaar , yzu aazh jsshht imaazhgining!!!!”
The words were pretty badly meshed up as it came out of her mouth full of “Sweet corn”

There was vibration in my pant pocket. I had kept the mobile in silent mode.
The number in the mobile was something I hadn’t seen before.

“Hello!!??”
“Hi, you doing fine???”

The voice was familiar. It was a male voice.

“Yeah. I am fine thanks. May I know who is this??”
“You will know soon enough. Meet me in 1 hr at the shiva temple near your home, don’t forget to bring the book”

I almost spilled the hot chocolate from my mouth. How did he know about the book?? Shelley is the only person to whom I have told about the book.
“hey.. who is this??”
“Cant you wait for just one hour??? And one more thing,whatever you do DO NOT read anymore from the book”
The line went dead.

I looked at my watch. I could make it just in time if I left NOW.


To be continued………

The book – part II

My mind was in total chaos as I was traveling back to home.
Who is this guy?? Does he want to black mail me with this book!!!!!???
I laughed out loud at that thought the next instant. I do imagine too much.

But what does he want from me??
Why did he ask me not to read anymore from the book???
Is this some kind of black magic??
Will this open up some evil spell that would start a chain reaction of “Armageddon” proportions??
God!!! Why do I always think in an exaggerated fashion?

I decided to rest my mind for a while and find out the answers for my questions during the meeting.
What if he never turns up!!! My mind started again!!
Oh shut up!! I told my mind.

I got up startled, as my bus was nearing the place of drop. I had fallen into a gentle nap as the bus was struggling through the heavy traffic. It was about time.

I went to my room and took the book.
“You going somewhere?? Why don’t you have a tea before going anywhere?” it was my mom.
“No ma, got to meet a friend”
I kicked started my bike.

The Shiva temple was just 5 mins ride from my home. It was an ancient temple built in 10th century by some king from Chola dynasty.
I loved the ambience of the place. It was fairly dark when I reached the temple.

I could see a person standing as I went towards the entrance. He looked as if he was 40-45 years old.
He had a long face and he was cleanly shaved. He had cut short his hair so much that it looked as if he had tonsured his head recently. He was fair and was wearing a dark coloured pyjama kurta . He was of an average height and was having a slightly bigger belly, otherwise he was fairly thin.
The resemblance was unmistakable. He was looking exactly like what I would be like, at the age of 40.
I slowed down as I neared him and felt like I was watching a ghost.
He smiled at me and said.
“Relax!! I know you will be confused. Let’s have the darshan of the deity and then we shall talk. You got the book na??” he enquired.
“yeah.. Its in the side box of the bike”, I replied as I studied his facial features without seeing anywhere else as if I was in a trance.

I could notice that his mannerisms were more like mine but were a lot slower and with more assurance.

After 10 minutes we were sitting at the banks of the temple’s tank with the red book in my hand.

He looked at me with all kindness and started talking.
“Let me take this!!” so saying he took the book from my hands.
I was too startled to protest.

“You like it????” he enquired.
I was staring at him with confusion and didn’t feel like saying anything.
“Of course you would like it!!! It your story na??!!!”
he smiled and continued.
“I mean, our story”

My head was spinning. What is going on here???
He seemed to have read my confusion.

“Ever heard of time travel, kid???”
“Yes, a very popular science fiction, which some people say will never happen”
“Why??”
“Grand father paradox! What if I go back in time and kill my grandfather before he conceives my dad?? That will be a paradoxical situation. If my grandfather is dead then my dad won’t be there and resultantly I won’t be there. But if I am not there then I can’t go back in time and kill my grand father!!! That’s the paradox. That’s why some scientists say time travel can never be possible.”
“Very Good!!, Can you think of any other idea by which we can work around this paradox?”
“Yes ! Some scientists support the theory of parallel universes. In which there are separate dimensions for past present and future, so if someone goes to the past and does something that will only affect that dimension and not his dimension.”

“Bingo!!!, now let me tell you a little secret kid.”
I raised my head and looked at his face.

“the stuff you just said…….. Its not fiction… its real. As real as you and me”
I was not able to believe it.

“I am from the other dimension you were talking about. You become a writer at the age of 40, which is me!!! And by the time we humans have figured out a way to travel back in time and land up in other dimensions. I came here couple of days back as I was curious to find out about you. In other words I traveled back in time and landed up in this universe!! I brought my draft autobiography with me to see how much you match with me. I even broke into your house and after looking at you went back without a trace. But I had left my book in your home by mistake. Our mom must have kept it in our dad’s shelf from where you found out about it. I saw you reading from the book as I spied your home today morning. So I decided to give a call to you and get it back.
Are we clear now???”

I shook my head more out of confusion.
I wanted to ask him too many questions but when I thought there was nothing I wanted to ask. I realized I was just going through disbelief than doubt.
I suddenly remembered something
“Why did you ask me not to read anymore??”
“Because, I don’t want you to lose the suspense in your life. The greatest thing about life is that it has got suspense.”
He looked at me long and hard for a while and let out an “all knowing” smile!!

I wanted to ask him a thousand things about my future.
He seemed to have read my thought.
“I don’t know what to say kid , but trust me, everything will be alright in the end and you wont regret about it”
I was not sure what did he really mean by it.

“Ok!! Time to leave” he got up.
“hey when will we meet again???” I asked him.

He smiled at me and said “Never”
“And one more thing” he continued. “Don’t tell this to anyone”
“why?? That will blow the cover of your dimension???” I was getting naughty.

“No , nobody will trust you and the next time I will have to meet you at Ervadi*”, he smiled but he sounded more serious than I would have liked him to be.

He started walking and soon he was out of my sight and so was the book.

*Ervadi - a lunatic asylum in tamilnadu known for its harsh living conditions.

The End.

Highs and Humiliations

Highs and humiliations – part I

I cursed myself for being so unassertive when I entered the campus. I was overawed as I saw the lawns, playgrounds, the people etc etc .
Everything was so much different from what I had seen in my school. Just one of the playgrounds in the campus was 10 times bigger than the whole of my school size. I felt like crying. There were a thousand butterflies in my stomach and I felt like running away from the place. I hadn’t expected this when my English teacher entered the Vth C classroom one fine day.
She apologized for interrupting the class and started addressing the class.
“Alright people!! We have got an invitation from a school in the city for an elocution competition in English. They are conducting this in remembrance of a student who met a tragic death recently”
I could recall the incident from what I had seen in the news. One of the students of a high profile school was kidnapped for ransom and was killed recently. I had felt real bad about the incident.

“So, who is volunteering for the competition?”, the teacher’s voice resonated in the room.
Quite a few people in the class looked at me. I had been topping the English marks for a while now and was known as the most talkative guy in the whole school. That somehow seemed to suggest them that I would be volunteering. They should be crazy. I can’t get into something this big. Hell!! I don’t even know where this school is and how big it is!

“Let me correct myself. Who else is volunteering other than Ramanujam??”, the teacher continued.
Ramanujam, isn’t that my name??? Oh my God!!!!!!!!!

I looked at her bewildered.
“What are you looking at?? Your name is there in the list, of course. The principal asked me to add your name as soon as she saw the invitation.”
“But ma’am!!! I don’t know anything!!! I don’t want to go.”
“I don’t know about all that, talk to the principal if you have anything to say”.
That does it!!! She knows that I wouldn’t dare to be anywhere near the principal’s room.
I had an unexplainable fear of authority. In fact I was fearful of everything and anything.
A couple of pathetic souls actually volunteered for the massacre for some reason, which I couldn’t figure out.
I let out a final call of mercy as she left the room after registering the names. She didn’t even turn back. It looked like she didn’t hear my voice.
I assumed that she wouldn’t have added my name. After all, this is a democratic country; nobody can force me to do anything against my will!!! So I thought!! How stupid of me.

I got reminded of the competition one day before the day it was to happen. It was from my dear English teacher again.
“Ok Ramanujam, the school van will leave at 7.00 am sharp to drop you at the place, so make sure you make yourself available at 6.30-6.45”, her voice was clear as crystal. I always admired her for that.
“Ok ma’am!!” I replied.
Everything is fine but for what? After mustering up the courage I asked her.

“What is it for??”
She looked at me a little angrily. I regretted for having asked the question.
“Don’t be silly Ramanujam!!! It’s for that competition I told you about. You have been preparing for it, isn’t it??”
My blood froze.
“But I didn’t volunteer for it!!!”
She stared at me.
“Please ma’am!! Please let me go. I haven’t prepared. I don’t want to go. I shall prepare next time” my voice was breaking up.
“How dare you to tell me that you haven’t prepared?? I have told the principal that you are going. Inform the principal if you are not going”, so saying, she started walking.

After walking for a while she looked back at me and said “ the van leaves at 7 am sharp”

That night I felt so miserable. The next day I went to the school like a lamb marked for sacrifice.

Thus I am in this place, which is like a new planet to me. All the girls were wearing full pants and shirt as uniform, which I hadn’t heard of before. All the students were speaking high quality English with a foreign accent. I realized this when I had a real tough time negotiating with these people with my butler English as I tried to find the way to the restroom.

Soon I entered the hall where the competition was to be held for my level.
It was just a classroom but it looked like a huge hall in comparison to the classes in my school. The parents of some participants had arrived and they were seated at the backbenches behind all the contestants.

There was some introduction and soon the first contestant was invited to speak. I was very glad it wasn’t me. As he started speaking there was some ruffle at the back seat. Amidst the commotion I figured that the topic was printed with the wrong spelling in the invitation.

Perfect!!!! This keeps getting better and better.

Finally the judges decided that they shall allow the contestants to speak in the topic printed in the invitation. I was busy, trying to remember what the topic was.

One by one, each contestant was called. I went through unexplainable trauma as I waited every time for the name to be called out only to find out that it’s not my name. Each contestant spoke for the allotted time and went towards the guy on the side to receive their participation certificates amidst the applause.

The waves can jump and play in the sea as long as it wants but it has to reach the shore some time or the other. Soon my name was called out.

To be continued………

Highs and humiliations – part II

I stood up. I felt everybody in the hall was looking at me. I closed my eyes and begged God to give me a Cyanide capsule so that I can swallow it and end what I was going through.
After a while as the judges started staring at me, I realized I have to walk to the podium.
I slowly moved towards the podium and stood in front of the mike. One of the student volunteers lowered the mike to fit my low stature.
I looked at all the faces in front of me. They were eagerly looking at me and somehow I felt they were expecting something special from me.
I lost all power in my legs. My legs were trembling. I was sure I was going to fall down anytime.
The only words that I felt like saying at that time were “can somebody please kill me this instant”
I figured I couldn’t say that.

“Good morning”
I remembered that Swami Vivekananda had once addressed the gathering during one of his speeches in America as “Brothers and sisters”. Should I start that way? I realized this was not the time to think about it.

“Good …….morning…..friends”, I blurted out.
“And parents”, I added as I saw the parents at the back.
“And judges”, I suddenly remembered that the judges were looking at me very attentively from the side.
Shouldn’t the judges be addressed first in any elocution competition? Damn!! I forgot it.
Thank fully my English teacher was not there. Or else I would have been instantly turned to ash by her looks.
On second thoughts, I realized that would have been more preferable than what I was going through.

My heart was beating at a rate, which I had never felt before.
“We have gathered here, on this wonderful day for the competition, on…..”
I forgot the topic.

“To talk about…...”
I suddenly remembered the topic.

What kind of a ridiculous topic is this anyway???? Can’t they have something like “My School”,”My Pet” or something?

“We are here to talk about…”
My mind went blank.

Humans think in terms of words and sentences and at that moment there was just a blank full sheet paper in my mind screen.
“I………….”
“I……………………”

God !!! That was the most humiliating moment of whatever little life I have lived.
Not to mention the confusion I was going through.

After a few seconds of silence I decided to speak out at last.
“Thanks”
“Thank you very much………”
These were the only words that came out of my mouth.

The audience was stunned. They were blinking at me as if they were struck by a lightning.
I think they were not sure what to do. They wouldn’t have expected anything like this to happen.
I was looking at the floor for sometime and to cover myself from the glare of the onlookers, I started to head towards my place ever so slowly.
“Ramanujam”, one of the judges called out.
“Are you done???”
“I ……. I am………Yes,iam done”

He didn’t speak for a while.
“hmmm……Please collect your certificate”

The participation certificate!!

Should I receive it? Haven’t I irreparably damaged the name of my school?? Haven’t I brought disrepute to my English teacher whom I admire and respect so much?? Haven’t I made a mockery of this event by being a complete idiot amidst all these serious minded contestants who have prepared for this competition meticulously??

All these questions were too much for a simple kid of fifth standard, who grew up in a silent suburb without much exposure.
I walked towards the person who was handing out the participation certificates. I was looking at the floor all the while. I sensed that there was hesitation from the person. I saw him uneasily looking at the judge as I looked up. He found the certificate with my name in the heap and pulled out to give to me.
“XYZ matriculation??” he enquired as he tried to verify whether he had the right certificate.
My heart was crushed. I had let my school down.
I rushed back to my seat without looking at anyone and sat in my place with my head hung low. I tried hard to make sure the tears don’t drop on the certificate.

After two more contestants had their chance, a break was announced. Not surprisingly, I was the first one to leave the room. I ran away from the place before anybody could see me.
That was the day; I decided that I would never make any presentation ever again.

Epilogue


Things have changed a lot since that unforgettable day. I haven’t become a master of public speaking but things are a lot better now.
I was asked to prepare a presentation for a meeting in which my entire department was participating with just one day’s notice. My department spanned over a lot of locations including Bangalore and Croydon (UK). The folks in the other locations were to be connected via videoconferencing.
There was the same nervousness when I got my turn to speak.
But the presentation went well.
My speech got a mention in the closing note given by the department head and I even got an appreciation from my PM. I received congratulation mails from friends who hadn’t been in touch for a while.
I smiled as I “shift deleted” my replies to those mails. I can only think of the incident that happened one cloudy day when I was studying in my fifth standard.

Errors and exceptions, highs and humiliations are all part of life. If I had assumed wrongly that I could never do a decent presentation, based on that day’s happenings that would have been a terrible mistake.
I can only pray to God to keep reminding me of this incident for two reasons.

Firstly I can remember it during my good times and don’t let my success to make me proud.
Secondly I can remember it during my bad times and realize that things can always improve no matter how bad it looks.


The End