Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Dreams and realities

I usually post stories/poems in my blog!!
Just wrote this as i hadnt written anything for a long ,long time!!!!!!

How things change!!
I remember the the good old days when i prepared myself mentally during college times, to enter a life of software. A life full of moments of furious typing and gruelling thinking leading into creations.
Create !!! thats what i was hoping to do!! Make things that will be useful to people, make software that will make it easier for people to use computers!! Things that i wanted to have for myself and set about doing it when i dont find such a thing.
It could be a tool,an application and i was even stupid enough to think that i would be making OS-s someday.Create!Create works of art which would make people's eye expand with surprise and will reveal the teeth with joy!!Works that would make the heart forget all the worries,works that would shout out the power of computers,works that would enthrall one and all with the magic of technology!!Works that would make people smile!!
I was imagining to be this brilliant programmer with fingers dancing on the keyboard,churning out lines of code that will operate and flash around the monitor bringing out colors into people's lives!I was in for a shock.I didnt know it!!
Now as Iam looking to complete three years into my job did i get any of the stuff i was looking forward to have???if you are a budding engineer looking forward to an exciting and enticing career in the world of computer science,please dont read any further.
Things started off pretty sweetly,getting into one of the topmost IT company in India with an impressive list of cliental in the garden city was nothing short of a dream!! My dream of an interesting career in IT had began,so i thought!And from then on i thought i would be in those private cubicles creating things that would reach common masses and create a difference in everyday life!Something like a google or Youtube or meebo ot flickr/picasa.I can go on forever.

I had never imagined a B2B atmosphere and i had never imagined applications that would be used by a few hundreds or even tens!Most of all I hadnt imagined support!!! It had never occurred to me that support and maintenance was to be the major chunck of business of all the indian IT majors.!!I didnt know that most of the time work was spent in patching up stuff and to keep the business up and running,SOMEHOW!!
In close to 3 years most of my time has gone in talking to people,cajoling colleagues,doing thousands of mean jobs,millions of hours of junk work in the name of process,negotiating with offshore if you are at onsite,onsite if you are at offshore,struggling with totally unknown stuff,scores of moments figuring out what to work,prioritising among chores,juggling among tasks and self motivating to do mundane worthless stuff and so on!! and very very little creation.Hardly any scope to use my right brain and barely any chance to use creativity. I would have taken with a pinch of salt if it werent for one more thing!!
Night shifts!I HATED THEM!! I knew i wasnt cut out for them,when i spent some 2-3 months in a technical support center.And my beloved support made my life even more hellish by adding that extra bit of frustation into the concoction. I hated them the most!! But thats how mulitinational make billions!! By saving in that extra dollar by reducing resources as much as possible at onsite and moving work to offshore.Every dollar saved,converted into fancy figures during the quarterly reports and as evidences as how the "company" adds values to the "stake holders"!
No complaints !!! The companies are in a highly competitive market if they dont then somebody else will!!Stricter SLAs and lesser people, longer nights and more stress!!It all adds up!!!Managers are under pressure to quote lesser and lesser in the proposals for projects.Senior managers are under pressure to hold on to projects and gather new ones,even senior executives are under pressure to acquire more and more clients! Its a crazy race and if you dont keep your chin up ,you will drown!! Companies cant afford to worry about employees,not any more than the competitors , at least!!The clients are in a sticky situation!!They got to offshore it to the lowest bidder to keep their "edge".Its all business and everyone is doing their job!! Shorter time and lesser people!!! Cheaper work!!!

But where does this leave me and my dreams? What will happen to millions of youngsters like me who entered the industry with different expectations??what will happen to our aspirations to create,the hunger to make something???Is it going to be blunted by the endless drudgery and the limitless red tape??What will happen to the sharp minds and the fresh thoughts that churned out ideas like raindrops from the sky??? What happens to the souls who dont want to do night shifts??What happens to the innocent idiots who are forced to do just a little more than BPO/call center work??
All said and done,i have had my fair share of rewards!! I have been shaped up by the innumerable moments of pressures and have become more composed and street smart,my communication wouldnt have become any better if I had been in any other industry,got to live in one of the most amazing city called bangalore(no matter how much people crib abt it),got to visit and stay in the most powerful nation on earth,saw a real surge in my bank balance,got to meet some incredible friends in the world and most of all, i was able give my parents a lifestyle markedly higher than they would have imagined to have and had made them feel proud of me.That for me is the beggest gain from this job and I will forever be indebted for the same.

But after all my dreams keep me awake and confused!! Making me wonder many a times,what the hell am i doing here!!Bringing a feeling of helplessness,the feeling of being stuck in a stinky situation not knowing how to get out!! Fatasizing about entering into photography/advertising and the likes,getting back to reality and trying the digest the facts with vomits from time to time!!
Life goes on!albeit pointless!!


sravan said...

i had similar dreams n i stil chase them. never give up on ur dreams!

life in cts (4r me) had its own ups n downs wth similar experiences, but i did enjoy every minute of it. it was fun n laid d foundation 2 my dreams. i may not b writin an OS 2day, but tat definitely is not how u realize ur dreams.

dude, juz keep goin. n wen u need 2 take d right decisions, choose d path tat wil lead u 2 ur dreams. thngs have their own time. u never know wen it wil hand over d opportunity 2 u. keep d doors open.

CVR said...

Thanks dude!!
I really appreciate it!! :)

Ramya said...


I agree totally to your point. Almost many who take up Computer Stream has such a dream.Even I had the same dream.I always wanted to design a Robot!Lest we are humans who have the freedom to imagine right?
I had posed the same question to a technical guy during my Induction. He then explained me as to how our company had a concept called COE(Center of Excellence)! He also admitted that though not much of Product Development is not happening there, they are all trying to prove that extra mile. Let us see how long does it take for Indian Majors to turn to Product Development rather than sticking to ITES!